im dating the most perfect guy ever, yet im not in love with him in the slightest.
honestly, it's baffeling.
he could not be MORE perferct for me.
he's older, he's all indie and cute, he has a career, he's mature.
yea, he's my dream guy but im not in love with him.
somethings wrong with me.
last night i was watching a movie with my friend kristin when someone texts me and says "im sorry"
i dont recognize the number so i text back asking who it is.
turns out it's my ex, carley.
oh god, it was crazy.
i hadnt talked to her since july when we broke up and all of a sudden shes texting me saying how much she misses me and how cute i am and what a good heart i have and how she's sorry she hurt me and how she cant believe she fucked shit up.
fucking insane.
like a give a shit about what she has to say.
but whatever, it added amusement to my life.
i love having people grovel over me, it's fun.
anyway, semster exams are over and im so glad
pretty sure i failed the first semester of math though
oh well, shit happens.
naptime (:
ive decided i have about three friends i can trust to never let me down.
even those who are like "oh youre my best friend blahblahblah" can lick my clit. because they are not good friends and probably never will be
and if you dont realize what a good fucking friend i am then you dont need to be in my goddamn life.
i keep my REAL friends close to my heart and they know who they are
i have inhouse all week, fuck school.
i have a date with a cute girl named kristin and a "fiance" who lives in california whom im really liking a lot.
maybe i'll move in with him, i miss seeing him all the time from when he use to live down the street and im over nevada a lot
a change of scenery might be very nice.
why t he hell do i write in this stupid thing? no one reads it and it never makes me feel any better
fuckkkk this
im suppose to see reva today and were gonna hang out with bobbi...but i dont know.
revas already being flaky and sketchy, so i dont even fucking know.
i hung out with bobbi last night and we went to jordans house to do his sisters hair.
it was chill and stuff.
hopefully, reva doesnt bag out on me today, imean, i really do wanna see her.
hopefully, we're gonna go see twilight tonight and bobbi's gonna be my " girlfriend" hahaha
eh whatever, who knows.
i cant wait till christmas (:
AND tuesday the new britney spears cd comes out, cheaaa!
i made rebecca and gentri cds and also a painting for rebecca. she made me a scarf, cd and hemp bracelet.
she felt the need to tell me already haha.
and i need to buy bobbi's present still. well, i have part of it, but eh.
she's getting me a hookah and that's nicer then what i have for her.
griner gave me shrooms this morning. yay!
im going to go clean before im suppose to leave tonight
needless to say, my day ended with me crying hysterically in a boiling hot bathtub
sound pleasant?
well, it wasnt.
dont bother asking.
it doesnt matter anyway
i miss gentri.
i still have a lot of feelings for her =/
it's shitty.
i texted bobbi to see if she wanted to hang out but she hasnt written back.
i hate being alone.
fuck my life
im excited, it looks cute
and i love love love spending time with gentri.
and my new friend kristin (:
and even rebecca, though she's hella annoying sometimes.
im officially in love with the new senses fail cd, it's amazing
and i hear rumors of hollywood undead going on tour?
one can only hopeee =) =) =)
boys are dumb, but so are girls.
hence, im single
and maybe im single because ive tried to rush into a bunch of stupid, failed relationships since reva and i broke up?
carly, kaiden, lyssa...blah. those are just the people i was "official" with too.
i need to calm down and let God lead me to the right person or vice versa.
i really believe i need to put this into his hands
christmas next month and im hoping i get to go to London and visit, since i never did over summer
i'd like it very much if i could be gone the whole two weeks of christmas break, im so fucking over nevada.
im going to straighten my hair and watch across the universe now
=)
i wish i was in love with someone.
not just in a relationship, but really in love.
i hate being alone.
ive never been alone like this, it's hard.
but you know, maybe God's trying to teach me that im just fine on my own.
....so why dont i feel just fine?
this year has been crazy.
ive gotten out of a long term relationship, learned to drive, made great new friends and lost some friends.
it's definitely been an eventful year.
i wish some things were still the same.
my heart hurts for some of the friendships i used to have.
michael, brittny, jennifer...i miss you guys more then you know.
and even though brittny and i work on things and try to make it better, it's never gonna be the same.
there's never going to be that ease we had,
how we made fun of people and were total bitches but still the first people came to when they needed someone.
how we "borrowed" her moms car at 3 in the morning to go to denny's because we were high and wanted pancakes.
how if one of us got kicked out of class, we went to the others class to get them out so we could sit in the quad together.
theres so much i love about brittny and i miss US.
from 7th grade, we just fucking clicked and it was beautiful and amazing.
we'll never have that again.
some things change, and that scares me.
i was suppose to hang out with renee but i got drunk with kristin instead and then fell asleep and had a bad dream
i woke up and texted bobbi and alisha.
that's one thing i love about bobbi jo, she doesnt make fun of me if i have a bad dream and need to talk.
some people are such dicks.
alisha likes me. but she has a girlfriend. so..whatever.
it's always that way.
Im sad and sick, i feel shivery and cold and dizzy.
and everyones too busy with their own lives to pay any attention.
ugh. im going back to bed
i feel like my friends dont really care about me. and i hate htat.
it seems like its becoming more and more true.
i get blown off, overlooked, mistreated.
and then theres the certain friends that dont have any time for me when i need to talk to someone
or get mad at me for being sad?
are you serious?
and even though ive made a lot of new friends, it doesnt change the fact that some of my older friends seem to be drifting.
and i dont know how to fix it.
help me?
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